Christmas and New Years of 2019 passed by in a blur. Then 2020 started. 

Now, I’ll do my best to not wax poetic about how 2020 provided innumerable challenges; I know it was ridiculously challenging for basically EVERYONE. Thus, I will skip all of the flowery language about how hard it was getting through that crazy year. All I will say is this: I know quite a few medical professionals who have worked endlessly trying to help everyone get through this. Thank you all for your service!

Pre-Baby Fun

Technically, we did expect 2020 to be very different. With our first child on the way, we knew our lives would change forever. Yet, leading up to her birth, we still made time for a few special occasions. Mid-January, a dear friend had her own baby, a super sweet little boy! At the beginning of February, Frank and I took a little trip down to Florida to visit my side of the family again. My brother and his girlfriend were staying with my parents as well, and we enjoyed our quality time with all of them (especially when we went to play with the neighbor’s puppies!). 

The couple of weeks leading up to the end of February proved extremely busy and fun! On a Friday, Frank and I went to the Toledo Museum of Art for a super interesting date. In particular, a special exhibit showcasing the art of Yayoi Kusama called “Fireflies on the Water” intrigued us. An individual would walk onto a narrow platform in a small dark room with many mirrors, dangling lights, and water surrounding the platform. We had 60 seconds in that quiet space, a brief minute to contemplate the vastness of space and our tiny place within it. I confess, however, my brain went, “Holy crap, too pregnant, I waddled out here and now it’s a little hard to breathe. Oof.” Two days later, my incredibly sweet mother-in-law threw me a second baby shower, which was a lovely time. This turned out to be incredibly timely and helpful! 

New Year, New “Us”

We had established a routine of spending time with our dear friends/family members Kyle and Kelsey on every Thursday. Thus, when the following Thursday rolled around, and Kyle and Kelsey were on their way over for tacos and another fun hangout. Though I don’t know for sure, in all of the fuss to clean up and organize our apartment before they came over, I may have overexerted myself. Thus, my water broke, at 36.5 weeks gestation.

I will spare our readers the gory details of my labor and delivery (though I did write it all down soon after, so if you Really want to hear, feel free to privately message me). Instead, let’s jump ahead to the moment after delivery, when I heard Frank tell me, “It’s a girl! It’s Victoria Caeli!” (Her name means “The Victory of Heaven,” because God wins in the end.) Victoria, born on February 28, 2020 at 2:16pm, weighed 6lbs 2oz and stole our hearts immediately.

The nurse placed our baby girl on my chest for skin-to-skin contact. I wanted to hold her, but honestly, exhaustion had overcome me. I wasn’t too exhausted, however, to notice that she wasn’t moving very much, wasn’t crying, had a cannula for oxygen, and had a grayish blue coloring. Before I knew it, they whisked her away to keep working on keeping her alive. Frank followed, and my mother-in-law stayed in my delivery room with me. I waited for food and news, both of which took an hour to arrive. (For everyone who does not know-once admitted, you can’t eat until you deliver! Expectant moms-eat on the way, or make sure someone is waiting with food for you!)

Our Time in the NICU

Victoria needed to stay in the Toledo Hospital NICU for 11 days, right before the beginning of Covid lockdowns. The NICU capped visitors to Mom, Dad, and four permanent guests. At first, these included Frank’s mom, dad, older sister, and my mom. When my mom went back to Cocoa Beach, Frank’s younger sister replaced my mom on the list. Given that Victoria was born several weeks early, her lungs had not yet fully developed. Also, during the birthing process, the doctor nicked the top of her head during my episiotomy, so they monitored that for infection. Lastly, she needed to be on a feeding tube due to the cannula, which also disrupted my ability to nurse her. Leaving her at night to go home and get sleep…I definitely cried the first time, and felt incredibly guilty. 

Nevertheless, looking back now, I can identify several silver linings to the whole situation. Naturally, we would have liked to show her off to friends and family right away. Yet, that time in the NICU provided us with quality bonding time. In addition, I SO appreciated the NICU nurses and medical staff. I had no prior experience caring for babies; they taught me how to change a diaper, burp a baby, give a bath, etc. Finally, I cherished my quiet time alone with Victoria, which gave me time to write to her. I wrote a letter for her 18th birthday, and the above-mentioned birth story.

I never doubted she would make it through, or if we would get through as well. Our time in the NICU actually strengthened my faith and my gratitude for the precious little life entrusted to us. It seems our journey was/is just what it is meant to be.

New Life with a Newborn

Augustine struggled a little when we brought Victoria home. He did not quite know what to do with someone so small! Also, honestly, he often felt jealous of all of the attention she received. Gradually, however, he got much better, and now he loves her.

As mentioned above, very soon after we got Victoria home, the country locked down. The constant helping hands I anticipated relying on were prohibited from being at my beck and call! Thus, those “baby blues” took hold, and I found myself spontaneously sobbing from time to time. Between feeling so helplessly alone, doubting that I would ever be enough for her, and imagining Victoria already aged 18 and leaving us forever, I had some pretty rough weeks. During that time, Frank selflessly took on so many of our household responsibilities as I waited for the postpartum hormones to finally leave me alone. I was grateful, but also hating that I was not yet ready to do it all myself. I count myself lucky that I only had to battle those self-loathing thoughts for only a few months.

Victoria’s Baptism

Hand in hand with all of the inner turmoil, as I mentioned, the world began to lock down. Now, we wanted Victoria baptized as soon as possible. Thus, we asked our local parish priest, Fr. David Kidd of St Joseph’s Catholic Church, if he would be willing to come to our apartment and baptize Victoria there. He readily agreed (he’s a great priest and we really appreciate him)! On March 16, 2020, Victoria Caeli was baptized into the Roman Catholic Church. Nick and Jessica, her godparents, could not travel at that time, so Frank’s parents stood in for them during the intimate and moving sacrament. We hope that with future children, we will get to invite plenty of friends and family to attend and celebrate with us. Yet, this baptism proved somewhat emblematic of the time period, so looking back, it feels rather fitting.

First Month

Victoria spent her first month and a half as basically every newborn. She slept, ate, pooped, cried, and tried her best to make sense of the world around her. Not to brag or anything, but she was/is completely wonderful! At the beginning, her general temperament was very mellow (she shows her personality now!). She only ever became upset when there was something worth being upset over, i.e. she was hungry, tired, or she had been sitting in a dirty diaper for just a little too long. Otherwise, she barely ever made a peep! She loved baths, eating, and especially sitting on Frank’s lap as he worked on his laptop for work. 

During those earliest days, she and I spent a lot of time napping together and watching movies. We prevented most people from coming over to meet her, especially given that she was a NICU baby and Covid was spreading. This broke our hearts, but we had her safety in mind, and another priority. My dad and brother had not met her yet, and we felt very strongly that they needed to meet her before just about anyone else!

First Visit to Cocoa Beach

The day Victoria turned six weeks old, we took her to her pediatrician for her six week check-up. Right before her appointment, we decided the time had come for us to bring her to Cocoa Beach, provided the appointment went well. She had a clean bill of health, though her measurements showed she was very long and lean for her age. That was good enough for us! We went home, packed up everything, and were out the door in no time!

Again, not to brag or anything, but Victoria proved a champion road tripper. She slept a majority of the drive, which helped us cover far greater distances at a time than we anticipated. Before we knew it, we arrived at my parents’ house. With Gramps, it was absolute love at first sight. He adored holding her, rocking her, and napping with her. Uncle Malcolm loved her too, but like me, he also had next to no experience with newborns. Thus, he held her a little less because she seemed too breakable (totally understandable feeling). Victoria also got to meet and be loved on by Uncle Malcolm’s girlfriend Alexis too, as well as Jade! We all spent a great deal of quality time together, two whole weeks. During that time, Victoria enjoyed her first visit to the beach, snuggling with her dog, and was constantly cuddled by everyone! Time flew, and we eventually decided we needed to go home. It was time to re-establish our routine and start living our life as the four of us!

Next up: We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to chronicle our recent getaway to the Smoky Mountains for our five year anniversary!